The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My balls are so social today.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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