ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everyone says I win the strip club
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
