Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
