Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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