Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want nice things and good sex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize