So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize