Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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