Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
