Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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