I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
