dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
