vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
