There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize