I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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