I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize