Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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