I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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