Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
