Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
