I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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