I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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