good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm really busy with my period
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