her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize