She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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