it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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