If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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