she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
