I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
