NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
