I'm lost and stupid without you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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