Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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