We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
