Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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