i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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