Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
try to milk me bitch
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
