My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
