I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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