So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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