I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
