We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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