4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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