You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
