you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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