Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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