yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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