Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
