this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
