i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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