Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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