I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
