I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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