I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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