WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
