we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
