some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am spending my child support on dildos
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
