He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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