i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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