I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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