I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize