Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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