One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
