I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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