i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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