My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
