I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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