Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
