oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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