I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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