fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
