did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize