She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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