My brain says no but my pants say off.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
